Introverted Bear

I didn't enjoy reading this book, especially the first half. DePaulo frequently does use snide remarks, and those detract from her argument instead of making it funny or entertaining. With all of her snark, it seems like she's an angry, bitter single that has an agenda already set up, and that image only plays into the stereotype of singles. She even admits herself that she does whine about "matrimania."

The book is structured so that each chapter discusses a myth about singlehood. However. I would say that the first half of the book is out to take marriage off its pedalstool, and the second half actually talks about policies that discriminate against singles. I also think the first half of the book has more snark and is less organized. The second half has less snark, seems to flow better, and is definitely more interesting. I almost gave up on this book after the first chapter because she seems obsessed with getting retribution. At times, the book reads like a blog and can get repetitive.

Most of DePaulo's sources come from major media outlets and surveys, and she aims to take down myths that the magazine and newspapers permeate. This was written in 2006, and I definitely think the situation had changed regarding marriage. A lot of younger people think marriage is crap, but they still feel the pressure to be coupled. I personally haven't felt the stigmatism of being single. I don't get asked to work longer hours, I'm not asked to take on unwanted travel, and my coworkers don't isolate me or bring in their spouses. When my friends and cousins get married, they ask for $8 mugs and utensils, not expensive gifts. Yeah, people ask me if I'm dating and when I tell them I'm not, they say "good for you. It's a good idea to build yourself up first." or "That's the way to do it. You can do whatever you want without someone getting in your way." Perhaps I am too young to experience the stigmatism or I just work in a great place, but it seems like DePaulo takes extreme stereotypes and examples (sometimes) as discrimination that every single experiences. I would say that not every single experiences this, and maybe DePaulo has had some unfortunate encounters with closed minded people. In my experience, it seems that the pressure is felt more in certain areas than in others, and DePaulo never talks about that.

I think her analysis of "two-for-one coupons" doesn't tell the whole story. Marketers know that married couples have more money to spend. Two people with a combined income have more purchasing power than someone on a single income, and therefore, companies want couples to spend more money at their restaurants or locations. It's not discrimination so much as it is a marketing ploy, and I think it makes sense to offer them discounts because discounts encourage people to spend more money. Singles can't be milked like couples can, and that's just a fact. One person can't make as big as impact as multiple people. The resources aren't there.

I would also say the same thing about taxes. It makes sense to tax couples less because they have more expenses. If we're comparing singles and married people with the same income, married people have to spend more money on food, clothes, and other daily necessities. Single people only have to spend their incomes on one person, unless they're taking care of someone else. If they are, then it would make sense for that single person to reimbursed or given a tax cut for their services. That we could work on changing.

I'm just not very convinced that singlism makes a huge impact on single people. If it would make a impact. then we should see more depressed people and more health problems. And DePaulo addresses this in her argument that singlism should be considered as important as classism, racsim, or sexism. I would disagree and say that the evidence isn't there. Moreover. you can choose to be single, but you can't choose your sex, race, or the class you're born into, and I think that makes the biggest difference. Having the power to choose reduces feelings of helplessness that a black person or woman may feel because they never chose to be given the short end of the stick.

DePaulo's argument does have some merit, and we should change the narratives that are told about single people. However, I don't think the way she presented those myths or the way she advocated for change was effective. Her blog, Single at Heart, is more interesting than this book.